


a remnant trace

by theriveroflight



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Hopeful Ending, Kissing, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28516221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theriveroflight/pseuds/theriveroflight
Summary: Marinette is left with a gaping chasm, impossible to fill and difficult to bridge.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	a remnant trace

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Echoes of You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659185) by [kittinoir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittinoir/pseuds/kittinoir). 



> What would be more angsty: getting back the memories and having to deal with the cascade, or losing them altogether?
> 
> Since Kitti already did "getting them back," this fic is about a universe in which they are lost altogether - my explanation I concocted to soothe myself is that Chloe didn't know about the wish and thus would not have made it.
> 
> Title from "The Killing Kind" by Marianas Trench.

In the aftermath of her akumatization, Marinette is left to wonder. There is so much that has broken, so much… 

Being Ladybug had felt  _ right.  _ Why, why, why?

The answer lingers on the tip of her tongue. The answer sits and waits for her.

“Ladybug,” Chat Noir whispers, even though he’s speaking to Marinette, and she turns to the person wearing the Ladybug Miraculous. He stretches a hand out to Marinette. She takes it, and rises to her feet. She feels shaky, like she just did something awful. Perhaps she had, somewhere between Hawk Moth’s offer and now.

But Chat Noir looks at her as though she’s steadier than she is, more certain. And that gives her faith, a bit, that she  _ can  _ be what he believes she is.

“I- you can’t,” Ladybug says.  _ “I  _ can’t, either. I was never the right person for the job.”

Salem tilts his head. “What do you mean? She  _ chose  _ you.”

“Tikki, spots off.” It’s…Chloe.

Neither Chat Noir nor Salem look shocked, so that means that they know, which makes sense, all things considered.

She takes off the earrings and holds them out to Marinette. “These are yours. Perhaps it’ll help you.”

“Mine?” She finds words for the first time since they cured her.

“Milady,” Chat Noir says, and he’s smiling a little bit.

She fastens the earrings in. And it feels just the tiniest bit like a puzzle piece fitting into place — these were the earrings she was searching for, the only pair she must ever have worn.

Tikki flits over to her. “Marinette.” She sounds hesitantly happy.

“Tikki, spots on?” she says, and it’s a question but it’s also an answer. 

Both Chloe and Chat Noir cheer when she can see them again through the bright pink light.

“Ladybug,” Salem curtly says. “It is…good to have you. I know you no longer possess memories of some of our previous encounters, but let me just say that they were perhaps not the greatest.”

“You’ve proven yourself more than enough,” she answers.

_ Ladybug. _

Who exactly was Ladybug before? And how was it  _ her,  _ of all people chosen to bear this?

She doesn’t know.

* * *

Even armed with the knowledge that she used to be Ladybug, Tikki’s memories, and the footage of their attacks, the gaps still frustrate Marinette.

She still can’t put together the person on screen with herself; it’s almost as though she’s watching someone else do the actions that she  _ knows  _ she did, and it’s a strange sense of disassociation.

Chat Noir helps where he can, too. He’s part of her happiness, one of the parts of her life that she looks forward to most.

If she tries hard enough, she can remember some of her encounters with him as Marinette. When the akumatized version of Nathaniel attacked takes up most of it. So perhaps not all of it is gone — but certainly everything of Ladybug, everything of the Miraculous.

* * *

“This is only fair,” Chat Noir says, and detransforms.

Adrien.

“What do you want me to do?” she asks, and she still feels a little hopeless — like she was thrown into the deep end, and has no choice but to sink or swim.

“I don’t know,” he answers. “I don’t know if it would help you, or hurt you more, or something else entirely.”

“I don’t know either,” she says. She feels helpless, rendered inable by the chasms in her memory, longing to be bridged — but whenever she tries, it always skips, and she can’t help but wonder if it’s even  _ possible  _ to get it back.

She’s been informed of one possibility. But she doesn’t want to take it. She wouldn’t wish this sort of incompleteness upon anyone.

Marinette, after all, has always been the kind of person who would take on burdens for others. She might not have memories of all the times, but she has so many, and it’s enough where she still knows who she is.

“I love you,” Adrien says. “I doubt you remember all the times I’ve told you, so I’ll keep saying it until I’ve made up for it.”

She searches everything she remembers, images flashing in her mind, and comes up with nothing.

“I…”

She wants to say it so badly.

“I love you too,” she whispers, and she tilts his head towards her until they’re kissing. It feels like tragedy; like they’re something out of a great ballad or a Shakespeare tragedy and their romance is ultimately doomed to fall to darkness.

After all, he remembers things she doesn’t, far more vividly than she ever could. And she will forever be stumbling to play catch-up among it all.

And she wants to dance on the edge of danger anyway, as long as it’s with him.

They settle on a plan, ultimately. To have other heroes to lean on.

“Who was Salem?” she asks, because even after all this time she still never learned.

“My cousin.” Adrien laughs. “He was right when he said that you two didn’t exactly hit it off.”

“I can…imagine, almost. There’s a little bit there. Something about a video. So much of my life was tied to this that I’m surprised I didn’t just…lose everything since September 1st. It’s almost crueler to be left with just these snatches, these bits and pieces — there’s always something missing, something that should be around the corner, and I know it’s Ladybug but I can’t connect myself from then with the me that I am now.”

“Marinette,” he says, and he rests his forehead on hers but it’s  _ not enough, it’s not enough  _ and it will  _ never  _ be enough.

And she just feels so empty. There is nothing, she knows, that can fill that chasm besides more magic.

But is remembering worth it? Does she want it all to be filled all at once? There’s really no winning decision here; she’s willing to bear these gashes for the rest of her life, mental scars. No one deserves them. No one should have them, but if it were to be  _ anyone  _ she would rather it be her than anyone else.

Perhaps some things never change.

And perhaps even in this despair, she has found something that doesn’t quite fill the chasms, but bridges them instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the [Miraculous Fanworks Discord server](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) Book Club (we read a fic weekly, corresponding to themes), I discovered this work. I would not have written this without them and especially Noir.
> 
> Follow me on my writing Tumblr @beunforgotten where I occasionally remember to post things.


End file.
